I hate to start off brutally honest But I’ve never been good at opening up Maybe it’s because my emotions were seen As unimportant and invalid to others Maybe it’s because I never want anyone to see A weaker side of me I’ve lost count of how many nights I’ve spent Alone in my room with just my thoughts Somehow my demons get invited They just let themselves in And from then on, it’s hell on my brain I’ve lost count of how many mental breakdowns I’ve had in the last few years I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told myself I was a worthless man that will never be loved I’ve lost count of how many moments I’ve waited For something that never happened Such as a phone call or a text I’m always a fool to think it’ll come I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve cared about that never cared about me I’m not sure if it’s because I wear my heart on sleeve Desperate for someone to care about me Or I’m just a hopeless romantic Desperate for someone to call my own I’ve lost count of many nights I’ve spent Thinking about how I just might die alone I’m sorry if this is depressing you This is why I never open up I’m not used to anyone caring about my emotions Let alone giving me the time of day I’ve been abandoned so many times I’ve developed a habit of waiting for almost everyone to leave If it’s not now, it’ll be soon That’s why I’m always staring at my watch Or looking up at any kind of clock Because eventually I’ll be alone again

You wouldn’t know if from looking at me But I’m covered head to toe in scars You just can’t see any of them These kinds of scars only exist within my brain They manifest themselves as insecurities Or constantly reminded of painful memories All of these scars are from a single person Someone that never truly loved me Someone that never gave me a second of her time Someone that treated me like the dirt underneath her feet Someone that took me for granted And someone that emotionally abused me It’s taken me a very long time to admit that I mistook emotional abuse for love I’m not sure if I’m more disgusted with her or myself She was an emotionally abusive monster I thought she actually loved me The signs are all there in retrospect How stupid could I possibly be? I shouldn’t blame myself, though It wasn’t my fault I never asked to be treated like nothing I never wanted to be treated like nothing I just wanted to be loved I never got what I asked for Instead I wound up with more emotional scars Than I ever could anticipate I’ve come to terms what with happened It’s been unbelievably hard, don’t get me wrong There were days I didn’t want to wake up I didn’t have the heart to confront my demons Some days I wished I didn’t have a heart at all I don’t really know how I made it I’m just lucky that I recovered The emotional scars still remain But I don’t look at them with shame I sure as hell don’t look at myself as a victim I’m proud of myself for making it out alive And being a survivor

There’s a stigma in our society That says men are not allowed to be abused They shouldn’t let themselves get abused, anyway I’ve never understood this double standard I’ve never understood why that’s absolutely okay I don’t even understand peoples’ reasoning Men are strong, they say Men don’t express emotions, they say Last time I checked, men are also human beings That have every right to feel pain and sadness That mentality alone makes me very sad I shouldn’t have to be worried about harassment After coming out about being abused What kind of world is that? I’m not saying men being abused is somehow “worse” Than women being abused, whether it’s emotionally or physically Because it’s just as valid and it’s just as awful I’m just saying that men have a harder time to admit it There are many reasons why I’ve stayed quiet I was ashamed of myself I shouldn’t have seen the signs, but I ignored them all I thought what I had was love The more I think about it, the more it never was She just wanted someone to manipulate And I just wanted someone to actually love me in return For a time I felt more disgusted with myself But now I know my own self-worth Now I know that I never deserve to be treated that way I also felt ashamed in the eyes of society Men who are abused are weak-minded and not “real men” Let me ask you something, though Have you ever been emotionally, physically, or verbally abused By someone that you love? So many emotions constantly ran through my head I didn’t know if I should feel angry, afraid, or embarrassed The only problem was she always knew just what to say So I wouldn’t come to my senses and finally leave She had me wrapped around her finger Her hands were wrapped around my neck She could have been choking me half to death But I would’ve apologized for needing to catch my breath Don’t tell me I should have just left her Do you have an idea how bad I wanted to? She made me feel absolutely worthless She also made me feel like she was all I could get We accept the love we think we deserve And if we have a low sense of self-worth Well, that’s what we’re most likely to attract I was just looking for someone to finally love me Being abused by someone you loved And someone that you thought loved you Is one of the worst things that anyone could go through Why is okay for women to come out about being abused But men are ridiculed and abused even more? I’m sorry, but I really can’t stay quiet Say what you will, but I’m an abuse survivor I’ll never live in silence again A part of me regrets every second I spent with her But I wouldn’t be the man I am today I just never would wish that kind of treatment on anyone Not even my worst enemies I was once worthless and I let myself believe it I’ll never let myself sink that low again I’ll never let myself become hopeless once more

For the last three years of my life I’ve been held prisoner within my own mind Trapped in an endless cycle of anger and regret All I could do was think about my mistakes And the man I’ve let myself become I never should have let her back in as many times as I did That’s what happens when you feel worthless That’s what happens when you think you’re in love It was nothing more than a fabrication She never loved me, not even for a single second Everything we had was a giant lie A lie that I told myself for the last three years I thought someone finally loved me I really couldn’t have been more wrong You won’t believe how long it’s taken me To move on and forget about her And the emotional abuse she put me through I never want to go through that again I’ve finally broken free from her chains And you bet I’m going to claim what’s mine A sense of self-worth this time

Some things are better left unsaid But if I never said a word, I’d most likely go insane Whether it’s from everything I have to say The many observations I make in any given day Or the unnerving silence building in my head There’s just so much that I need to get off my chest Here’s hoping someone will listen to me Maybe I can close my eyes for once in my life And get a night of peace so I can truly rest My tired eyes that have seen so much within the last year I’ve been abandoned by my closest friends I’ve lost a lover that meant the world to me I’ve never been sure if it’s just my imagination Or if I could use some kind of change in scenery Even if it just happens to be within my state of mind I’m aware that I’ve been so distant and bitter Go ahead and tell me something I don’t already know I’m sorry that was kind of rude I’ve discovered a temper I never knew I had And my patience has been getting thinner and thinner For a long time, I didn’t know if I had any left I’ve just been so sick of people leaving and things changing Especially when I never asked for it And never wanted things to change I never thought I’d lose any of my closest friends I never thought I’d lose the girl that meant the most to me I never thought things would change within the blink of an eye I’m not the same person I was a year ago I was forced to grow up when I thought I had it all I was forced to look reality dead in the eyes And watch as it took away the things that mattered most Now they’re just things that I left behind I’ve learned so many things over this last year I went from feeling bitter to feeling so much better But I couldn’t have done it without you I’ve lost a lot of friends in the last couple of years If we’re being honest, it still kind of hurts I don’t let it get the best of me anymore Because for every friend that’s abandoned me There’s another that never let go It took so long to realize that I was never alone For that I’m truly thankful You’ve made me the person I am today And I don’t know where I’d be without you I’m sorry if we ever lost touch But just know that you’re still in my thoughts You’re like brothers and sisters to me I wish I would realized all of this much sooner But life has a funny way of working out sometimes I’m living in a much better state of mind now I love the view outside my tired eyes Instead of being so distant towards everyone I’m stopping to admire my internal scenery We accept the love we think we deserve And now I know that I deserve the absolute best When I stare at myself in the mirror I’m finally happy with the person I see Make no mistake, I still have many scars That run straight through my chest But I’ve been learning to live with them I’ve looked reality dead in the face and said, “I’m not afraid anymore of the things I can’t change I’m moving on from the things I left behind Only to focus on the things that matter most And the people that never left my side in the first place”

This might sound incredibly obvious to say But I wish some things in our lives never had to change We get so caught up in our little routines Taking things and people for granted that we see every day There are some things we never want to hear As they’re very heartbreaking truths But everything we wish to remain the same Always has to change in the worst possible way If only time travel were possible, I’d kill to relive the days of my youth I never wanted to grow up But sometimes reality comes knocking at your door Demanding that you accept the inevitable The only thing that ever remains permanent is change The scenery in our state of mind Never matches the scenery in our eyes It’s hard to be happy with yourself When you only see in shades of gray And if you could into my head You’d see I have more enough firsthand experience I’m almost 23 but I feel like a new person I don’t know what love is anymore After it was taken away from me by the cold hands of death And coming face to face with reality I’ve learned so many things about myself in the last year I’ll never be second best again And this time I know exactly what I deserve But I wouldn’t have made it through without all of you I haven’t spoken to some of you in months or years Some of you I speak to every day Just know that you’re still in my thoughts every now and again Looking back on the memories that we once shared You’ve all made me who I am And despite how many friends I’ve lost There are many that have never held tighter I’m sorry if we’ve ever lost touch And I’m sorry if I’ve ever pushed you away For a long time I let no one inside Afraid that I’d lose someone dear to me yet again Now I’m not afraid of anything I’m standing taller than every mighty oak Ready to take on anything life throws at me I’ve come to accept that things change Whether we want them or not And instead of looking at the things I left behind It’s time to focus my eyes on the things that never left My scenery has dramatically changed I’m standing tall as my feet are planted to the ground Instead I’ve just moved on to a better state of mind

There’s a graveyard in my head Lined with headstones Of everyone that’s dead to me Consisting of former lovers As well as every fair weather friend I’ve known That stood by my side in the sunlight Only to disappear at the first sign of a thunder storm Lately I’ve been digging more graves Because I’ve been burning more bridges Watching their bodies burn Right in front of my ocean blue eyes At first I was horrified Now I’ve just become numb to the sight I once called these people friends But when I look them now They’re just strangers I once knew I can burn all the bridges I desire And although I can’t see your face I can’t burn the memory of you I don’t have any regrets I don’t have any sense of remorse That ship sailed long ago Setting itself on a brave new course Somewhere I can find some inner peace Somewhere I can find my sanity Somewhere I can find myself once again Because I don’t like the man I’ve become He doesn’t match the man I’ve always been I’ve burned so many bridges I feel like some kind of arsonist Kerosene is a sweet perfume to me I know its scent awfully well I always carry matches in my pocket Just in case of emergency You never know when you’ll need to burn a flame Not to burn a bridge necessarily Sometimes I wish I could burn myself away I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell At least when I’m finally there I’ll feel more at home At least if I can remember What home truly feels like, anyway

Darling, let me be clear about something I’m not sorry for anything I’m about to say I have nothing to apologize for I simply wasn’t the one that did wrong I hate to pin the blame on someone at all But it was completely you I’m not sorry for anything I said to you Whether it was to make you smile It was to make you laugh at a stupid joke Or make you kiss me I’m not sorry for making you feel special Because I thought you were You meant the world to me I’m not sorry for giving you that in return Even though that’s the last thing you deserve I’m not sorry for telling you I loved you That’s honestly how I thought I felt I feel stupid in retrospect What we had was anything but love It was nothing more than a lie A lie that I was content to believe for so long I need to keep telling myself That I did everything I could to make you happy I did nothing wrong I’m not sorry for spending time with you Even if all we did was hang out in my bed It was almost like the world stopped spinning Just for a little while I’d forget how I wish I was better off dead I’m not sorry for caring about you You certainly never deserved it But I never got to see your true colors You look your best in red Because you stabbed me in the back And you ran away like nothing happened All the while blood was still on your hands I always wonder what you told your friends Did you really tell them what happened? I was suddenly not good enough for you So instead of talking to me You ran away like the coward you are I don’t know what I did to deserve this I’m still not sorry for anything I tried so hard to be everything you needed I don’t know why I wasn’t enough Maybe I’ll never know I guess that’s something I need to accept I’ll just learn to live with it But when you’re alone in your room Crying yourself to sleep in your bed Just know the only thing I’m sorry for Is how you lost the best thing To ever come into your life How does it feel to be a murderer? I watched you choke our relationship dead I’m not sorry for anything, darling At least I had the guts to be honest with you Instead of being constantly distant And hiding from the sad truth I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt so much in your life You push away anyone that actually cares If you’re wondering why I never pushed back I just never thought you were worth it I’m so used to wasting my time On the ones that never gave me a second of theirs I’m not going back to being the person I was once I just wish the person I am Matched the person I wish I was Maybe one day that’ll happen Maybe one day I’ll be enough for someone Maybe one day you’ll realize your mistake I’m sorry I won’t be there for that very moment I’ve got better things to do I’ve got better memories to make

I’ve lived 22 years on this Earth And I’ve been looking for a place Somewhere I can call my own Somewhere I might belong Somewhere I can lay my broken bones But as it stands, I’m just a travelin’ man No one remembers my face Always forgotten as soon as I’m gone

Chorus: I’ve never touched a drop of whiskey I’ve never touched a cigarette Not once in my 22 years of life But I’ve been so beaten and broken Just one night, I’d really like to forget My sense of sobriety And drown my sorrows away With a bottle of whiskey V1: I’ve never been much of a gambling man I guess I’ve got far too much to lose I’ve lost everything once before When I gave my heart to a woman That only pumped poison through my veins I should have left her so early on But that was an option I couldn’t bear to choose Her words cut like razors on my skin And she knew the rights things to say To keep me always coming back for more My heart was kept locked in her chains It took me so damn long to move on And I barely made it out alive I thought I was in love with her Well, I’ve never looked more like a fool I thought she just might happen to be the one Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan Sometimes you just gotta play it cool [Chorus] V2: The last year of my life was spent on myself Rebuilding every wall that came crumbling down I promise I’m a better man now But if I said I knew what love finally was I’d be lying through my crooked smile At least I know how not to treat a woman And I finally put my past to rest six feet underground My old man always told me to live and learn Well, I’ve been livin’ for quite awhile I just wish I knew how much I’ve learned I’ve found myself making the same mistakes over again Just when I get done building a new bridge I end up adding it to the list of things I need to burn Maybe I shouldn’t take any more chances Maybe I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve Maybe I should lock myself away I’m just a man that wants to be loved That’s usually the opposite of what happens to me I’ve seen love die right before my very eyes It’s happened to much to me I stopped wasting any time to grieve Outro: I’m not the same man I once was I’d like to think that’s a very good thing And I try not to let myself feel blue If someone’s going to bring me down They ain’t worth a second of my precious time That don’t mean we don’t need sadness Let it rattle through my lonely bones Just give me one night to forget about it all I need to drown my sorrows away With a bartender that doesn’t know my name And has never seen my face But will listen to my story anyway I’ll leave my sobriety at the door for the night Come the morning, it’ll hurt like hell But I promise I’ll be okay I won’t be sad no more

V1: Pretty girls will be the death of me I keep falling for the most toxic of them Maybe poison rushes through my veins Or I just haven’t learned my lesson When they flash me a beautiful smile That’s all it takes for me to fall But sometimes we make bad choices We don’t know a person as well as we think I keep thinking I’ve met an angel Instead I’ve found a sinner I’ve never touched a drop of whiskey But I’m ready to walk into a bar And tell that bartender to pour me a drink Chorus: I’ve met the Devil’s daughters They had me wrapped around their fingers Then wrapped their fingers around my neck Why don’t he just do it himself? I’m sure as hell the Devil wants me dead V2: What is it about me that attracts his girls? Is there some place I went wrong? Look, I’ve always been a good man I might not go to church on Sundays But that’s because I’m working real hard Do I keep breaking mirrors in my sleep? This bad luck has gone on for far too long Maybe it’s all apart of God’s plan I’m just not sure where my faith lies anymore I’ve also never been a gambling man But every time I take a chance on someone I end up drawing a losing hand I’m convinced I’ll never draw the winning card Bridge: Somebody get me a doctor Pump my veins pull of morphine I don’t want to feel a goddamn thing Somebody get me a bartender Drown my liver in whiskey I want to forget she ever kissed me Somebody get me a shotgun Blow my brain full of lead I know the Devil wants me dead And he sure as hell won’t quit Until his mission is done Outro: I’ve been through hell all these years Somehow I keep coming back I’ve got a sense of hope that just won’t die I’ve had my moments of weakness and doubt That’s what the Devil wants He can send all his daughters after me You bet I’ll find an angel one day All the pain will be worth the pleasure And I can kiss the lips of the woman I love Instead of kissing a bottle of whiskey

V1: It probably ain’t a secret I’m addicted to the devil called music Music’s in my blood Always pulsing through my veins Always ringing in my ears Louder than standing next to southbound trains I spend my time at the local record shop Seein’ what’s new Seein’ what just came in What stepped through that door one day Wasn’t a new hit record But a beautiful woman The likes of which I had never seen And truly took my breath away I know music can take you to another place I felt like I was in a dream Chorus: Once that needle started spinning And we heard the first note We danced to my favorite song I fell for you in that moment It became the greatest song Anyone’s ever wrote V2: I was looking through some records Musgraves, Sellers, and Stapleton I couldn’t stop glancing in her direction She had long blonde hair Legs longer than the Mississippi River A smile that makes my knees weak And a love for the devil called music I swear she’s the one I didn’t see her come over to me Tapped me on the shoulder And said, “Sir, may I help you?” “Sorry, ma’am,” I replied “I couldn’t help but stare A pretty girl like you Doesn’t come here often enough Stay a little longer And maybe we can fall in love” [Chorus] Bridge: She told her name was Caroline But not before we talked about music Every record we love And every song we hold dear I showed her all of my favorite records But I had one last thing to say “I gotta show you my faorite song” I put the vinyl on the record player And slid the headphones on her ears I held my breath as I pressed play Outro: She closed her eyes And intently listened to each word Her toes tapping with every note When the song was done All she did was smile at me She gave me a kiss and said “That was the best song I’ve ever heard” I replied with a crooked grin “That’s because it’s the best song Anyone’s ever wrote I know we just met But I think you might be the one”

Chorus: She always kept the radio on Because my love and my favorite song Are all that make me feel alright I loved her like a raging bonfire She burned me to a crisp in the end My heart’s a diner that’s been open all night long And its only customer is gone I’ll always keep the radio on ’Cause it’s become my only friend V1: When I first saw Bullitt I was only seventeen I dreamed of so much back then I wanted to drive every classic car And appear on the silver screen Honestly, I just really hated being me Maybe I’d somehow be cooler If I grew up to be like Steve McQueen That was when I fell in love with the radio It took all of my troubles away The first time I listened to Springsteen He told me I was born to run So I’ve been running my whole life Away from the dark clouds over my head That chase me every single day Because rain is always sure to follow Every love I had first started out seeing the sun But turned into a thunderstorm Just once I’d like some peaceful weather instead [Chorus] V2: I was 24 when I met Mary­Ann That woman was an absolute dream Her smile could light up a whole city block Her legs were longer than the Mississippi You’d swear she stepped out of the silver screen And she was everything I could ever need I’d never been in love before I sure as hell had never struck gold So I won’t forget the moment She broke my heart right in two I screamed into the phone “I thought we were gonna grow old But I guess you don’t love me anymore” “It was never love,” she said “Because I never loved you.” She said sorry and she had to go She had another man waiting outside So I left her alone Bridge: Got my records spinning on the stereo I don’t know what else to do I’ll never turn down the radio I loved her like she was made of fire Now I spend every night Looking at our pictures And asking myself with conviction “How can I burn the memory of you?” You made me feel alive Now I’ve never felt more alone In the aftermath of this heartbreak And at the end of each and every day All I have are my favorite records And the comfort of my FM radio To bring a crooked smile to my lonesome face Outro: She always kept the radio on I always played her my favorite songs The ones that make me feel alright I thought she loved me like fire But her love burned out in the dark Before I saw a glimpse of the sunlight My heart’s a diner that’s been open all night long And its only customer is gone from here I’ll never turn my radio off Because it’s become the only thing That I hold even the slightest bit dear