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a horror in the form of cacophony

by ashala rock

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1.
Untitled 01:53
2.
i hate to be different, but difference comes in numbers and colors take the context out of consent when it comes to you and. and i hate to be so pathetic, but my life's gotten so apathetic and yours has grown so wonderful and out of time for you and i. at the end of the day, you're still gone, but you left all of your memories in my bed. and i wish there was a way to take you back home, but you're too far gone to ever come back. sky says i'm just nervous and i should look forward to the day when you come back home; plus, i'm being pessimistic with your absence. i'm sorry, i know the pressure is ruining your vacation. i know my sorrow doesn't mean anything. i should be more independent, but your smell makes me hurt and your laugh is killing me.
3.
i laid on your front lawn and threw rocks at your window. i was hoping you'd come out and it seems all of the memories reside in the grass in front of your house. take off your wings, you're no angel. you're barely a saint, but you're still my patron saint. i know the horrible things that you do, because i still watch you. i still watch you walk home and cry yourself to sleep thinking of me. please separate everything from you and i. you have multiple vices, things that I hate, but that's okay, i'm sure i can go home alone. you can walk yourself home tonight. don't trip, just bounce away. don't slip, just cry yourself to sleep again.
4.
your summer dress dancing in the wind, dull heat rises from the grass and your lips met mine as you screamed, "i don't love you anymore!" you're so sad and it's hard to heal your wounds. focus on my eyes and let the fire inside die. i'll keep your skin close and let your face flow. but it wasn't the last time that your scars burnt in the cold. screaming, "please, just look at me." screaming, "please don't leave me. no one will love you like I do."
5.
you left the faucet on and with every drop of water, i fall deeper into love with you. it was a pirouette of sound that echoed in my ears and i'm sure it echoed in yours, too. you did not need this here, although, you will say you love me more. i will always love you with my entire heart. even if it will break, my feelings will stay the same.
6.
i feel so loved, just kidding that was just wishful thinking. i’m conflicted, i’m sorry, i feel so lame, i’ve spent my week in between love and heartache. if that makes sense to anyone else. sorry, i bit my tongue too many times and ripped my heart out and tied it to cement blocks; you threw it in the willamette and anchored my knees to the ground you stand behind. i’m yours. i’ve suffocated your voice too long, now. guess what, i don’t think i can do this anymore. and i hate to feel so ashamed by everything that i say and do to you. it’s taken its toll on me and everyone i know. i still feel so lame when i call and no one’s home to answer. am I always wrong, i only hear lies and trite consequences. you’re no contrite, don’t even act like you are. every time, i’m alone, i think of you and i puke up memories of sunsets and laying in the grass. every time I’m alone, i remember the sad songs and the times you made me cry. the times I felt alive.
7.
I am Eeyore 05:02
i’m going to be honest, i know i ruined everything. it’s like you forgot to love me and i forgot to let it pass by my self-esteem. i thought I got away from this! that night when i told you that i loved you and you didn’t say it back killed me in more than one way. and a thousand blankets won’t help me find solitude. you’ve always been my safe haven. now your front porch is the very place i dread most. i’ll never be enough, and i’ll never earn your trust. i will never deserve your love. this kills more than you probably think if we make it through the winter, i think we’d be okay, i think i’d be happy.
8.
backs on the bed, oh sure, i can do that. you whispered sweet nothings in my ear as you took me. i told you i loved you, hoping for some retribution. all i got was a dead stare and a bite on the neck. i fought for you that night and you took things from me that are irreplaceable and i'll say it was fun and try to find common ground. i'll tell you i still love you and watch the star’s gleam in your window. i'm overreacting and overthinking everything, but all the drugs you take curse my lips. when i kiss you and breathe in your cigarette breath, i hope for the best...i hope you'll get better. a haiku for you, babe, a haiku for you. you double standardize everything and cry yourself to sleep when i forget to tell you how sorry i am. because, i never remember how sorry i actually am. i'll never remember how sorry i actually am. the honeymoon eyes fight back the tears. i've been sitting up on my pedestal all night. no kidding, you took a lot out of me every night i saw you. open legs or open eyes, i could never tell. s ick of everything that isn't you, i'm seriously sick that you're puking up excuses for what i'm sure my eyes saw. i'm so sure.
9.
i never heard you say "we're proud of you" or "son, i love you" dad, it's not like you were there they're everywhere their issues have started to be mine will you be proud then? sure, i heard you before i'll forgot how i felt you make me feel so tall i know dad, mom, i'll be okay, you never promised me anything if you knew everything she said would you still love her instead of me

about

Thundering beats, extravagant guitars, pulsating bass and sincere vocals. If you like sincere, sappy and sometimes angry music on top of twinkly guitars and hard hitting drums, then this is the album for you.The two guitars battle each other for the limelight, but the drums and vocals take the forefront while the bass noodles in between the two (sometimes three) guitars.

For fans of; empire! empire! (i was a lonely estate), mineral, and meet me in montauk

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released November 4, 2016

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Home Poet Records Chicago, Illinois

An independent record label based out of Oregon.

Inquiries: homepoetrecords @ gmail.com

2014-2021

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