Emotional Scars

from A Graveyard In My Head by Bradley Ryan

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lyrics

You wouldn’t know if from looking at me
But I’m covered head to toe in scars
You just can’t see any of them
These kinds of scars only exist within my brain
They manifest themselves as insecurities
Or constantly reminded of painful memories
All of these scars are from a single person
Someone that never truly loved me
Someone that never gave me a second of her time
Someone that treated me like the dirt underneath her feet
Someone that took me for granted
And someone that emotionally abused me
It’s taken me a very long time to admit that
I mistook emotional abuse for love
I’m not sure if I’m more disgusted with her or myself
She was an emotionally abusive monster
I thought she actually loved me
The signs are all there in retrospect
How stupid could I possibly be?

I shouldn’t blame myself, though
It wasn’t my fault
I never asked to be treated like nothing
I never wanted to be treated like nothing
I just wanted to be loved
I never got what I asked for
Instead I wound up with more emotional scars
Than I ever could anticipate
I’ve come to terms what with happened
It’s been unbelievably hard, don’t get me wrong
There were days I didn’t want to wake up
I didn’t have the heart to confront my demons
Some days I wished I didn’t have a heart at all
I don’t really know how I made it
I’m just lucky that I recovered
The emotional scars still remain
But I don’t look at them with shame
I sure as hell don’t look at myself as a victim
I’m proud of myself for making it out alive
And being a survivor

credits

from A Graveyard In My Head, released May 20, 2016

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